Is Anybody There?

I started calling MoM as soon as our car left the airport garage to tell her we had landed safely and were on our way home. I usually do this because she will talk nonstop for a good half hour pausing only long enough for me to mutter, “uh huh” here and there.
But the line was busy.
I kept calling.
For 25 minutes.
About 2 blocks from our house, I finally got through.
“Helloooooo”, she answered tentatively.
“Hi, MoM”, I replied cheerily. “Just wanted to tell you we’re back!”
“Back from where?”, she asked.
“Back from Las Vegas–remember we went up there this weekend for my niece’s baby shower and to visit my mother-in-law?”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?! I stopped by your house on Thursday and reminded you we were leaving the next day. And I called Friday night from the airport and left a goodbye message on your answering machine!”
“Nope, didn’t know anything about it.”

Then MoM started recounting in infinitesimal detail the weekend Diamondback baseball games. She does this the entire baseball season despite the numerous times I remind her I would rather watch paint dry than watch baseball. Desperate to get off the phone, I told her we were pulling into our driveway, and that I would talk to her tomorrow.
“Okayyy” she happily responded.

I wonder if she’ll remember this conversation?

The Blah Blahs

I get a lot done when my mother calls. You know those normal pauses in conversations where someone injects a question or comment? Well, MoM rolls right through them, talking nonstop usually about some body fluid or Margie's friend's stepbrother's twin sister's mole. Usually, I put the phone on speakerphone and go about my business, just leaning in occasionally with "Uh huh". One time, after listening to MoM drone on for over 40 minutes, I made the mistake of throwing the portable phone at the couch--which made a lasting impression on Daughter #1, Daughter #2, and Husband. Delighted with my hissy fit, they gave me a portable I've-got-to-go buzzer for MoM phone calls. The various buzzer buttons included a doorbell, fire engine siren, delivery guy, and phone static. I played the phone static button for Husband but he said it didn't sound like real phone static. As soon as I can figure out how to post the sound file, I'll add it on. In the meantime, thank goodness for Caller ID.